8th December, 2008
To my beautiful daughter,
You came into the world on Saturday, the 19th of July 2008 at 11:17pm.
On that day and in that single moment, my whole world changed.
I have to admit, I did not feel the love for you straight away that everyone talks about when they first see their newborn baby. I think in that moment I was scared, excited, nervous, and worried about the future and how things were going to be. How was I going to be as a mother? How was mike going to be as a father? Would we be able to cope?
You need to know that it did not take long after I was feeling better that I did fall so in love with you. The feelings that came over me that on the morning of the 22nd, I just cannot explain them. I felt an instant bond, and knew there and them, that you were my daughter. MY DAUGHTER! Not someone else’s baby that I was having a cuddle with. You were mine. I couldn’t get over it, and when I think back now, or look at your birth photos, tears come to my eyes every time, the emotions are so powerful. One day, when you have your own little baby in your arms, you will understand all this. I never did until the day you were born.
I was sick for the first 12-14 weeks of my pregnancy, so I did not enjoy it much, and I ended up losing a bit of weight, because I just couldn’t eat. But once the sickness was gone, I started getting excited again. I was always out buying things for you. I didn’t know at that stage weather you would be a boy or a girl, but I just couldn’t help buying things.
The first time I felt you move, I was lying in G-ma's bus in Darwin, about to go to sleep, when something told me to put my hand on my stomach and push a little firmly. Very lightly against my hand I felt a little bump. And then you did it again, and again. And then you stopped. I was so excited, but still wasn’t sure if it really you, or if I was imagining it.
After that night, G-ma and I were driving back to mount barker, but we had a few stops along the way. We stopped in tenant creek for the night. I found myself lying awake for over an hour feeling you move. You were moving more and more every day. It was only very lightly, and only when it was quiet, but I loved it so much. I talked to you all the time.
A few weeks later, when you were starting to kick harder, daddy felt you kick. His whole face lit up, he was so excited and happy. He called out to G-ma and told her (she really wanted to feel you too), and she came running. She put her hand on my belly, and you stopped and wouldn’t give her any kicks. We all thought that was funny.
As time went on you got stronger and bigger. It became a night time thing, for me to lie on the ground with my belly out, and we could actually watch you moving and kicking! Everyone loved it. Lots of people saw it!
The day we had our 20 week scan, I was so excited. And a little bit nervous. Today was the day we got to find out whether you were a boy or a girl. But it was also the day that if there was anything wrong with you, we would find that out too. (That’s why I was nervous)
Your G-ma and nana were in there with me. Daddy had to work and couldn’t make it, but I rang him as soon as I got out! When they asked if I wanted to know what you were, I don’t think I could have said yes quickly enough. The sonographer said “It's a girl” so quietly, I thought I had misheard her.
I could not believe I was actually going to get my little girl. The little girl I had always wanted.
When I got outside, the first thing I did, was ring your dad. He was over the moon to hear he was getting his little princess. We just could not believe how lucky we were.
After I rang daddy, I walked over and told G-ma and nana too. They were both so happy and gave me a big hug.
After that day, all the girly things and pink clothes started coming in all the time. Auntie Nikki gave us heaps and heaps of clothes that were handed down from Tamika.
As you got bigger and stronger, I got bigger too. You were 26 weeks old when daddy and I got married at Lenswood at The Daylily Garden. When we were saying our vows to each other, you were kicking me. I like to think you were kicking in agreement, and just letting us know you were there.
I got bigger each day, and as the days went by, I got bigger and bigger, more and more uncomfortable and more impatient every day. I just could not wait to meet you!
I had a photo shoot when you were 38 weeks, to show off my belly, and my beautiful baby growing inside me.
When I wore clothes though, you couldn’t really even tell I was pregnant.
And then, on the morning of the 19th of July, (which was your due date), you decided it was time to make your grand appearance......
The first few weeks after you were born were quite hard. Im am so greatful that G-Ma was able to stay and help me. I was very sore and could not sit for very long, it was hard to get up quickly, and uncomfortable. G-ma helped me by getting you up when you needed a feed, changing your nappy for me, and letting me sleep if i needed to.
The very first night we were home, you did not want to go to sleep at all, and i was so tired, G-ma got up and bought you out to the lounge room so me and daddy could get some sleep. I got about 4 hours, but felt alot better after that. You, me and G-ma all slept in the lounge room for the first week and a half or so. Just because it was warmer and easier to get you up, and then we didn’t disturb daddy. At the time i didn’t know how i was ever going to get through it all, but now as i type this, i don’t know what my problem was. Looking back it all seemed so easy, but believe me kiddo, it really isn’t that easy. I can only say that because that time is over now. It is definitely not easy.
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